The Tortoise and the Hare

My belief: Writing isn't a race. It is a craft. It is often misunderstood.

In general, most people I talk to think writing should be easy. They think a story, a novel, a book is a quick process. Someone sits at a computer, bangs on a few keys, a month or two later sends it to a publisher and hey presto ...

Ah huh. Most of those people don't write.

I am not a prolific writer. I don't write 5000+ words a week. I will never be an insta-writer (as I like to call those who can just sit down and *BAM* pour out tonnes of prose in a matter of hours). I know people who do write at the rate of almost a novel a month. I wonder though, what does this achieve? Do they end up with cohesive stories? How much do they have to neglect to get the time and focus? What do they do with all that writing? Do they achieve their goals and dreams?

I am making progress. In word count, my current story is just over 43,000 words. While word count does not maketh a story, I am still proud of this achievement. I have never pushed a story this far towards completion before. Climbing over the 40,000 word count was a small yet significant benchmark in my writing. I am seeing the story build at my hand. The construction probably isn't as perfect as I would like it, but my characters are well into the journey of this adventure. They are evolving and reacting more than any characters I have written with before.

Looking forward, I am working on a section of my story that involves a lot of action and escalation. There are many more words to come to create the climax. I feel good. I am not near the end of completing the story, but the path is looking clearer and the words are slowly working their way onto my page.

I am not trying to win the race, but I do want to finish it. Whether the hare wins or not, the importance for me is following through to completion. The tortoise persevered, and so shall I.

Being Realistic

It hasn't quite been 10 months... but it may as well have been.

We won't even go into the fact I never started NanoWriMo last year.

What I have done however, is set more realistic goals for myself.

I try to write a least once a week. I try to write a minimum of 100 words. You might be saying "Gee - that isn't a lot." I suppose it isn't, but for me, I know that is an achievable target, even in a bad week when my kids take 95% of my spare time. The writing isn't just on my story either. ANY writing is good writing, so whether it is my family blog or my story ... or even here, as neglected as this poor blog is, if I am writing 100 words, I am achieving a goal. Obviously I would like to keep the word count climbing on my story though, preferably with reasonable prose and not waffle.

I've also re-invented how I manage my writing project. Before, I had the plot listed by numerous events and key ideas. Now, I've broken the storyline up into around 20 major events and mapped them out on a piece of paper so I can always refer back and know where the story is going, watch the rhythm of ups and downs, and make sure the story has a beginning, middle and end. It also helps me find the holes in the plots I need to work/write on. I'm not writing to edit at the moment. My goal is simple. To finish the story - and have the story make sense to me. Only then will I worry about editing it to make sense to everyone else.

While I would like to one day be published, I don't live the delusions of grandeur. We put pressure on ourselves, and others around us apply pressure when we reach for such a hefty achievement. That isn't helpful to any writer and can end up being a burden when people put expectations on us. At the moment I am learning to walk. I am refining my craft and learning to write. Maybe one day I will be ready to run.

Until then, I keep plodding along one step at a time, hopefully avoiding a few puddles along the way.

The old One too...

It's been a while. It's been too long.

This blog is a reflection of my writing. Neglected and lost. Not forgotten, but overlooked.

I am not going to make excuses. While there have been genuine obstacles, no one is to blame but myself. Poor time management and a pure lack of motivation have dominated these last months of inactivity.

My Nano story of last year sits at around 37 thousand words, unedited, and waiting for me to show it love and give it the completion it deserves. I was going to start editing it last week, then my son got sick. The timing couldn't be more ironic. It reflects the constant battle I seem to have with writing and my life.

As my first story sits, patient and waiting, November is not far off, and my mind is spinning with fresh ideas, new directions, strands of characterisations and the potential for some bold focussed writing. Do I use Nanowrimo to launch my next adventure in writing?

The dilemma I face (aside from obvious time-management issues which we WON'T dwell on) is whether to start writing anew or focus on the story at hand. I don't want to be a writer who never finishes what she starts. Of the same token, a fresh new story could be the impetus I need to inspire the forward momentum of the first.

Practice helps refine and develop the skills. While I don't see my unfinished piece as simply just a practice piece, I think it would be foolish of me to curb my writing urges just because I haven't finished what I started. I have come to the opinion that writing to a deadline to 'flesh out' an idea into the backbone of a story is not a bad idea. Nanowrimo offers that 'deadline' for me - not in so much as a word count, but in the motivation to put my head down and write or type daily. It is a skill I want to learn as a daily routine not just for one month a year. I failed over the last year to find the discipline needed to achieve writing daily. I hope this November can help me find a way to bring writing into my daily routine and continue on past the 30th.

November will be a time to write a new story and breath life into a fresh new set of characters and locations. December will be a time to push forward and see if I can finish telling the first story I started almost 12 months ago. I've committed to it in writing. Let's see how successful I can be.

If I fail I'll see you again in 10 or so months...

The Slow Road

A new year. A new month. I have little to show for it. My story is up to 26,000 words. I am still a long way from the 50,000 target Nano set me. You know what though? I am still writing. I may only write a few words here and there, but I am still plowing my way through the storm taking small steps. Each step makes the story clearer to me. The story I am writing at the moment could be a "happy ever after", a "redemption", a"tragedy" or a "nightmare". I have an inkling how it will end, but it isn't set in stone just yet. The characters might push me in another direction. Inspiration might unravel a different ending. I just don't know. Still I write.

I can't help pondering why I can't write more words and fill my pages faster. Part of my problem is guilt. I feel guilty when I sit down to write rather than spend time with my family. As I write this my two year old son is snuggling up to my arm watching me type. I am easily distracted by the priority of my children and so my story - my potential novel in progress - gets neglected.

I know I am not treating my writing as a job. Perhaps I should be. I want my writing to go beyond being a hobby. I want to one day open my door to find a box of freshly printed books with my name on it, lift one from the box and smell the ink. I want to know I can write not only for my own satisfaction, but to offer an escape and some enjoyment to others. It's a dream I still don't know if I will ever achieve. However, I also know that in a short while both my children will be at school, and I won't be able to get back the time I have now to build memories with them.

I have mentioned the balancing act before. It seems to be a recurring theme with me at the moment. It is the challenge I am finding the most difficult. As my son places his face between me and my screen do I shut him out, or give him the attention he is craving. The mum in me wins out, while the writer in me must wait (often impatiently, but wait never-the-less) on the sidelines for her turn... One word at a time.

Balancing Act

I needed something to catapult my motivation to write. I kept finding a way to let real life get in the way of sitting down and writing. All these excuses for my own poorly managed time.

Someone then mentioned to me this little thing called NaNoWriMo. National Novel Writing Month. The idea was to write a good chunk of a novel (50,000 words) in a month.

I've never been someone who works on quantity, but at the same time, I can see the potential.

So I signed up. Knowing this wasn't going to follow my normal writing style, I put my ideas to the way-side and came up with a different story I wanted to write.

I diligently sat down on the 1st of November and started to write. I produced a good few thousand words of pure prose. It was rough as guts but I had the start of the story forming in front of me. I kept this up for several days, consciously having to tell myself NOT to look back. I am my own worst enemy and want to edit things I have written. This in itself isn't a bad thing, but it makes the goal of reaching the end of the written story more daunting.

As the days went by, my word count rose. My story started to unfold before me. I was dedicating time to my writing. I was getting inspired.

Half way through the month I had just over 20,000 words written. I could not believe it. Slightly behind in my word count, I still felt the goal of 50,000 words was reachable.

Then disaster struck. My son became sick. Sick enough that at one point we were at the ER screaming for help. My story was forgotten. My writing neglected. My son was my only focus.

He remained sick up until - well - today actually. Real life took a hold with vengeance.

It made me realise some things.

I wasn't going to reach the 50,000 words required for NaNoWriMo. I don't actually care about that.

Real life is unpredictable. As much as we like to think we have a routine, things happen around us all the time to break that. The reality of writing every day is not achievable for me at this point in my life. I may have help, but I am also a mum with a young family. My family needs me to be flexible enough to be there and be focussed.

Writing as a mum is achievable. I know others do this, but I didn't know how. I had the scales all wrong. NaNoWriMo showed me that I can write, even if it isn't with daily regularity and still achieve some things.

Word counts aren't everything, but writing with the sole purpose of reaching the end of the story is not a bad way to look at things as a writer. I've gotten further through my story in 20,000 odd words than any of my other writing projects. It isn't the most cleanly written prose I've ever done. It will need a lot of editing and re-writing. However the story is developing strongly, and the characters are vivid.

I have found a way to look at my writing and achieve balance in my life.

Assuming my son stays well (and that isn't a given unfortunately), I've decided to continue towards the goal of 50,000 + words regardless of the timeframe. I won't achieve that by the end of November, but I am going to try to stay organised enough to write regularly and inch myself closer to that goal and beyond that to the end of the story. I am setting myself a few hours a week spread over a couple of days with the odd Saturday or Sunday thrown in to do my writing.

I didn't "win" NaNoWriMo, but I have learned a lot from the process. So in my own way, in my own eyes, I am my own winner. I've discovered things about myself and my writing that will help me move forward. Hopefully away from the blankness of my writers block and forward to the completion of this story. Then editing...

Forward with balance. Lets see how I go.

Finding The Words

How do we find the right words to write what we want to say? 

This is a constant in the back of my mind, particularly at the moment as I deal with a number of things in my life. Right now, the words don't flow for me. They don't flow for my own thoughts, nor do they flow in my writing of fiction. I feel like I have lost a part of myself - I have always loved my words. For now, they desert me. 

Part of it is medical. I have a condition that has affected a part of my brain. My brain thinks what I want to convey, but my mouth and hands can't seem to say the same thing. However, that is not my only problem, and the truth is I feel my motivation has (for the moment at least) gone. The proverbial brick wall is directly in front of me, and I am banging my head against it daily. My muse has gone on holiday. My inspiration seems to have gotten lost. 

Writers Block. 

It has enveloped me in a way that makes me wonder if I can find my way back to my writing. It makes me doubt myself. It makes me question my ability. It makes me worry I am trying to hard. It has stopped me writing. I could blame the circumstances in my life for my lack of writing, but that would be making excuses for the rut I find myself in. 

I need to want to write again. The challenge for me at the moment is to find a way to break down the walls, reinvigorate my muse and rediscover my motivation. Looking at that last sentence, it all seems so easy. So why isn't it?

Read to Write

I am a firm believer that in order to be able to write, you have to read. 

At the moment, I am broadening my horizons and focussing on reading, reading, reading. I used to have a narrow set of authors and genre I would read. For the last year, I have been widening my reading spectrum to authors and genres I never would have even taken a first glance at before. As someone who wants to write, it is an interesting journey to see how authors work across a wide range of topics. It is curious to see how authors engage their readers with their writing style, plot and structure. It is invaluable to see how others translate the ideas from their heads into something on paper (albeit edited and modified with external influence). In some cases, it is even amusing to wonder how an author got published... 

I am currently reading 'The Pillars of the Earth' by Ken Follett. I know it is an 'oldie', but who would have thought I would enjoy reading a story about the construction of a cathedral. I got this book on the recommendation of a dear friend (who is an extreme reading enthusiast ), but I was skeptical. Only a chapter into the book, I was captivated. This is what writing is all about. 

Engaging the reader into the world you are weaving right from the word go. This is what I want to achieve one day... I hope. 

Some might say reading is not productive. I beg to differ. I am learning invaluable lessons and skills from the books I read which I can keep in mind while I write. My ability to write (thanks to the demands of children) is intermittent at best for the moment. I like to write undisturbed. A book, I can pick up, grab 5 minutes of, and put back down. 

Writing for me is a focussed process. 5 minutes isn't enough, 15 minutes isn't enough. It's one of my quirks. To make up for the lack of time to write, I therefore read.