Someone then mentioned to me this little thing called NaNoWriMo. National Novel Writing Month. The idea was to write a good chunk of a novel (50,000 words) in a month.
I've never been someone who works on quantity, but at the same time, I can see the potential.
So I signed up. Knowing this wasn't going to follow my normal writing style, I put my ideas to the way-side and came up with a different story I wanted to write.
I diligently sat down on the 1st of November and started to write. I produced a good few thousand words of pure prose. It was rough as guts but I had the start of the story forming in front of me. I kept this up for several days, consciously having to tell myself NOT to look back. I am my own worst enemy and want to edit things I have written. This in itself isn't a bad thing, but it makes the goal of reaching the end of the written story more daunting.
As the days went by, my word count rose. My story started to unfold before me. I was dedicating time to my writing. I was getting inspired.
Half way through the month I had just over 20,000 words written. I could not believe it. Slightly behind in my word count, I still felt the goal of 50,000 words was reachable.
Then disaster struck. My son became sick. Sick enough that at one point we were at the ER screaming for help. My story was forgotten. My writing neglected. My son was my only focus.
He remained sick up until - well - today actually. Real life took a hold with vengeance.
It made me realise some things.
I wasn't going to reach the 50,000 words required for NaNoWriMo. I don't actually care about that.
Real life is unpredictable. As much as we like to think we have a routine, things happen around us all the time to break that. The reality of writing every day is not achievable for me at this point in my life. I may have help, but I am also a mum with a young family. My family needs me to be flexible enough to be there and be focussed.
Writing as a mum is achievable. I know others do this, but I didn't know how. I had the scales all wrong. NaNoWriMo showed me that I can write, even if it isn't with daily regularity and still achieve some things.
Word counts aren't everything, but writing with the sole purpose of reaching the end of the story is not a bad way to look at things as a writer. I've gotten further through my story in 20,000 odd words than any of my other writing projects. It isn't the most cleanly written prose I've ever done. It will need a lot of editing and re-writing. However the story is developing strongly, and the characters are vivid.
I have found a way to look at my writing and achieve balance in my life.
Assuming my son stays well (and that isn't a given unfortunately), I've decided to continue towards the goal of 50,000 + words regardless of the timeframe. I won't achieve that by the end of November, but I am going to try to stay organised enough to write regularly and inch myself closer to that goal and beyond that to the end of the story. I am setting myself a few hours a week spread over a couple of days with the odd Saturday or Sunday thrown in to do my writing.
I didn't "win" NaNoWriMo, but I have learned a lot from the process. So in my own way, in my own eyes, I am my own winner. I've discovered things about myself and my writing that will help me move forward. Hopefully away from the blankness of my writers block and forward to the completion of this story. Then editing...
Forward with balance. Lets see how I go.
