The old One too...

It's been a while. It's been too long.

This blog is a reflection of my writing. Neglected and lost. Not forgotten, but overlooked.

I am not going to make excuses. While there have been genuine obstacles, no one is to blame but myself. Poor time management and a pure lack of motivation have dominated these last months of inactivity.

My Nano story of last year sits at around 37 thousand words, unedited, and waiting for me to show it love and give it the completion it deserves. I was going to start editing it last week, then my son got sick. The timing couldn't be more ironic. It reflects the constant battle I seem to have with writing and my life.

As my first story sits, patient and waiting, November is not far off, and my mind is spinning with fresh ideas, new directions, strands of characterisations and the potential for some bold focussed writing. Do I use Nanowrimo to launch my next adventure in writing?

The dilemma I face (aside from obvious time-management issues which we WON'T dwell on) is whether to start writing anew or focus on the story at hand. I don't want to be a writer who never finishes what she starts. Of the same token, a fresh new story could be the impetus I need to inspire the forward momentum of the first.

Practice helps refine and develop the skills. While I don't see my unfinished piece as simply just a practice piece, I think it would be foolish of me to curb my writing urges just because I haven't finished what I started. I have come to the opinion that writing to a deadline to 'flesh out' an idea into the backbone of a story is not a bad idea. Nanowrimo offers that 'deadline' for me - not in so much as a word count, but in the motivation to put my head down and write or type daily. It is a skill I want to learn as a daily routine not just for one month a year. I failed over the last year to find the discipline needed to achieve writing daily. I hope this November can help me find a way to bring writing into my daily routine and continue on past the 30th.

November will be a time to write a new story and breath life into a fresh new set of characters and locations. December will be a time to push forward and see if I can finish telling the first story I started almost 12 months ago. I've committed to it in writing. Let's see how successful I can be.

If I fail I'll see you again in 10 or so months...

The Slow Road

A new year. A new month. I have little to show for it. My story is up to 26,000 words. I am still a long way from the 50,000 target Nano set me. You know what though? I am still writing. I may only write a few words here and there, but I am still plowing my way through the storm taking small steps. Each step makes the story clearer to me. The story I am writing at the moment could be a "happy ever after", a "redemption", a"tragedy" or a "nightmare". I have an inkling how it will end, but it isn't set in stone just yet. The characters might push me in another direction. Inspiration might unravel a different ending. I just don't know. Still I write.

I can't help pondering why I can't write more words and fill my pages faster. Part of my problem is guilt. I feel guilty when I sit down to write rather than spend time with my family. As I write this my two year old son is snuggling up to my arm watching me type. I am easily distracted by the priority of my children and so my story - my potential novel in progress - gets neglected.

I know I am not treating my writing as a job. Perhaps I should be. I want my writing to go beyond being a hobby. I want to one day open my door to find a box of freshly printed books with my name on it, lift one from the box and smell the ink. I want to know I can write not only for my own satisfaction, but to offer an escape and some enjoyment to others. It's a dream I still don't know if I will ever achieve. However, I also know that in a short while both my children will be at school, and I won't be able to get back the time I have now to build memories with them.

I have mentioned the balancing act before. It seems to be a recurring theme with me at the moment. It is the challenge I am finding the most difficult. As my son places his face between me and my screen do I shut him out, or give him the attention he is craving. The mum in me wins out, while the writer in me must wait (often impatiently, but wait never-the-less) on the sidelines for her turn... One word at a time.