The Slow Road

A new year. A new month. I have little to show for it. My story is up to 26,000 words. I am still a long way from the 50,000 target Nano set me. You know what though? I am still writing. I may only write a few words here and there, but I am still plowing my way through the storm taking small steps. Each step makes the story clearer to me. The story I am writing at the moment could be a "happy ever after", a "redemption", a"tragedy" or a "nightmare". I have an inkling how it will end, but it isn't set in stone just yet. The characters might push me in another direction. Inspiration might unravel a different ending. I just don't know. Still I write.

I can't help pondering why I can't write more words and fill my pages faster. Part of my problem is guilt. I feel guilty when I sit down to write rather than spend time with my family. As I write this my two year old son is snuggling up to my arm watching me type. I am easily distracted by the priority of my children and so my story - my potential novel in progress - gets neglected.

I know I am not treating my writing as a job. Perhaps I should be. I want my writing to go beyond being a hobby. I want to one day open my door to find a box of freshly printed books with my name on it, lift one from the box and smell the ink. I want to know I can write not only for my own satisfaction, but to offer an escape and some enjoyment to others. It's a dream I still don't know if I will ever achieve. However, I also know that in a short while both my children will be at school, and I won't be able to get back the time I have now to build memories with them.

I have mentioned the balancing act before. It seems to be a recurring theme with me at the moment. It is the challenge I am finding the most difficult. As my son places his face between me and my screen do I shut him out, or give him the attention he is craving. The mum in me wins out, while the writer in me must wait (often impatiently, but wait never-the-less) on the sidelines for her turn... One word at a time.